fight

sometimes you spend your whole life fighting a battle that you will never be able to win.

at least thats what the deamon inside you wants you to believe

but the reality is that maybe you just need to strengthen your army, ask for help, and admit that you cant do it alone.

i know. that sounds terrifying.

actually asking for help? admitting that youre not strong enough to do it on your own?

it might actually BE terrifying

hard as hell, and pretty fucking brutal

so you know what we do?

FIGHT!

we fight back againt the demon inside telling us that we cant or wont win.

you find your people, you build up your army

put on your armor

and fight.

fight like hell because this world needs you, needs us

we will live to tell our stories that inspire others to ask for help, to admit that they cant do it alone

we will inspire others to FIGHT!

all alone. i want this. i wanted to be alone.

but now i feel nothing but scared… scared of being so alone.

i spend my days focusing on how to lose weight.

how to sit with the hunger, how to fight the urges, how to think about something else.

anything else that isnt

how to get sicker.

treatment is my only option.

fear.

utter fear.

lies lies lies

but the tests dont lie. the labs dont lie.

you

are going to die.

alone.

Have you ever been

sitting in a room filled with people

but youre all alone?

well youre not

all alone

but you

feel

all alone?

or in a church staring at a cross wondering where

the fuck

god?

or maybe in a bar but you cant remember

whether you like

bourbon or

scotch?

fuck,

fuck.

and now i

feel

all alone

almost fearless

Do you ever feel fearless? But not completely fearless like halfway fearless where you might do something that scares you but doesn’t take you totally out of your comfort zone? Yeah. Me too. But I’m getting really tired of living there. I will be graduating from college in a few short months and I’m ecstatic and not because of the job ill be getting once I graduate but because I can finally do something that makes me absolutely terrified and takes me completely out of my comfort zone. After I graduate I plan to move into a tiny house and start an adventure of a lifetime. I want to travel; I want to take pictures of beautiful places, with the beautiful people that I encounter. I want to learn about different cultures, learn different instruments, languages, try new foods, embrace the unexpected and live a life that I can be proud of. I want to live a life that leaves a mark and makes a difference. I want to do something big, and maybe I don’t know what that is yet, and that okay. But I do plan to spend my life figuring it out. I know I will have those who support me on this journey and those who don’t and that’s okay too, for those who don’t, please keep it to yourself, for I don’t need that kind of negativity surrounding me and for those of you who would like to embark on this journey with me, spiritually and emotionally, maybe even physically as you embark on your own fearless journey, lets live life almost fearlessly. Lets take chances, try new things, and say what we feel, make memories and make a difference! I hope to use this space to share about my experiences, my photographs, poems, and bring awareness to those things, which I am passionate about.

Peace and Blessings,

Graysen Lo Schappell